Six months and how we're doing...

Hard to believe it's already been six months since we met Lydia and hard to believe it's only been six months. But, here we are. I've started the legal process to readopt Lydia and set her name and birthdate to rights. Lydia is a magical, wonderful girl and I'm so glad she is my daughter.

However, I'd be lying if I said life was settled or easy right now. Much of this glimpse of our life below is about Lydia but at least half of it should be about me. I've been reading parenting books and Yahoo Groups and learning what I can to help our family be the best it can be. But, I have to admit I've fallen short at this point. All I can say is that I'm trying to do the best that I can and hopefully we keep moving forward little bits at a time.

I saw the briefest bit of a show called The Doctors last week. On it was a five-year-old girl whose parents were having trouble getting her to sleep at night. I thought I could certainly use any tips from that topic so tuned in to the rest of that story. Eventually, the doctor from the show went to their house to help them out and even before the child went to bed he was exhausted and exasperated from just having a conversation with her. I completely understand that exasperation. The intervention was to give her three "question tickets" and once those were used up she was done for the night and had to stay in bed. It worked. While I haven't yet implemented the tickets - partly because I'd feel guilty not answering a child's (ten million!) questions who has been in this country and family only six months - Lydia operates with that same intensity all day long and into the night and it's wearing me down big time.

Here's a taste of current life from this morning:

I haven't been letting Lydia watch TV in the mornings when she gets up on weekends because she is so addicted she gets herself up early to watch it and doesn't get enough sleep. That's not been going perfectly. For example, last weekend when she was not allowed to watch TV in the morning, she got into my purse which hangs on a hook in the kitchen, used my digital camera to take 32 pictures and movies - some in their bedroom while Lalie was still sleeping - and used my cell phone to call my mother who was out of town. My mother, in turn, saw my phone number on her phone a little bit later so called me back on my cell phone which Lydia ran to retrieve and brought to me in my bedroom. That is how I woke up last Saturday. On Sunday, my purse spent the night in my bedroom next to my bed.

So I decided to try a different tactic this morning. I told her last night that she could watch TV at 8:30 in the morning and no earlier. If she got up earlier she needed to look at books or color. She had already lost her DS the other night when I asked her to turn it off. She did on the second request, then when I went around the corner she turned it right back on. I took it away and then we proceeded to have a long argument/discussion with Lydia saying that I then needed to also take Lalie's DS away because that wouldn't be fair for Lalie to have her DS if Lydia didn't have hers. Needless to say the DS remained in my custody so that wasn't a morning option.

This morning at 7:15 (mind you, I have to DRAG her out of bed on school mornings at 7:30) she opened my door to ask if she could watch TV. She said that Lalie's clock said it was 8:30. Both girls have a digital alarm clock. Lydia can't stand it and pushes the buttons on hers at least once a day so the time is rarely correct. Especially when she is mad she frantically pushes the buttons. But, Lalie's is usually accurate. Now I don't know if Lydia had pushed the buttons before coming to see me at 7:15 or if she had done it later, or it could POSSIBLY have happened some other way but later when I checked, Lalie's clock was indeed set one hour ahead. Hmmmm.

Lydia headed back out to the living/dining room (which, in our small condo is right outside my door). She got set up to draw or write on the dining table and I tried to get back to sleep. Not happening. Pretty soon I heard a DS. I walked out to see Lydia playing Lalie's DS, which she had not asked Lalie about and is not supposed to touch without permission. She also shouldn't be playing a DS since hers was taken away. The other night when Lydia's was taken away she did go briefly over to Lalie's when she was mad and took it out. So, we'd already had a very clear and recent talk about not touching Lalie's (and that wasn't our first talk on that subject). Lalie's DS went into my room and again I tried to get back into bed.

As you probably already can tell by now, I wasn't going to be getting any sleep-in time today. She also didn't close their bedroom door so Lalie didn't get any sleep-in time either. I've been so lucky with Lalie loving to sleep in just like me. I guess I'm getting my just desserts now. At 8:30 Lydia did finally end up watching TV (but won't be tomorrow - anybody have a new plan?).

When she watches TV she flips back and forth and in and out of movies and live TV. It's pretty irritating to be watching TV with her if she has the remote control. If others are watching I have to keep the remote control with me. It's almost like a drug to her - watching TV and having that remote control in her hand. When it was Lalie's turn later in the morning it about killed Lydia and then she was like a back seat driver. "I don't want to watch that! Go forward, I've already seen that part. Go back Lalie! PLEASE can we watch (whatever). I NEVER get to watch it." Since the school year has started I've severely restricted the TV and it's been like going through withdrawal for her. I have seen some good things from it like Lalie teaching Lydia to play Princess Monopoly and reading more books to her. But, TV is never far from Lydia's mind and she never gives up asking about it.

Now those of you who know me know I'm NOT a morning person. I like to wake up late and quietly on my own. Not having either of those things on the weekend does not set me up for having a good day. I've tried to explain that to Lydia but it hasn't sunk in at all. I tried to tell her it doesn't behoove her to have a grouchy mom (although I didn't use the word "behoove") but that doesn't slow her down. She does everything with intensity and repetitiveness and so go our days.

She is trying. She will still do many things she is not supposed to but sometimes she will catch herself and stop. And, occasionally she will tell the truth without even being prompted - like the fact that she's lost about four chapsticks and other artifacts to her classroom teacher this year because she has them out at inappropriate times. This morning (after I was officially up) she went out to the garage and sat in the driver's seat of the car then realized she shouldn't be doing that, came back and told me. While I'm glad she was honest and stopped herself it's hard to praise her for that when she also did something she knows full well she shouldn't be doing.

But, she is trying and I keep telling myself she is making progress which she is. I just have to say that the magic six month mark that others talked about (where older adoptive kids start to really settle in to family life) is probably going to stretch out a little longer for us at this house. And, the car keys, the iPods, the DS's, my purse, my camera and my cell phone (which somehow now dials my adoption agency instead of my mother's home phone when I press 2) will be spending nights in my room for awhile longer as well.